My student’s article looked solid. He had researched the topic, included essential facts, and organized his ideas well. The writing was clear and grammatically correct. But the article was too general—a weakness that often shows up in the manuscripts of inexperienced writers. It lacked the kind of language that can engage readers and keep their interest from start to finish.
As with fiction, too much generalization in nonfiction writing becomes dull and forgettable. Authors Pat Kubis and Bill Howland make that point in Writing Fiction, Nonfiction, and How to Publish: “To keep the reader involved, the writer must use specific language that gives visual pictures and involves the reader’s emotions. The writer must create a word picture so the reader can see what the writer means, can feel what the writer feels.”
From General to Specific
The first step in revising general language is to identify it.
These made-up sentences show common types of generalities:
Long ago, their ancestors came to America from Europe and settled in the Midwest.
Notice the vague words and phrases. A sample revision:
In 1871, their Swedish ancestors boarded a steamship to the United States, where they made their way by train and boat to central Minnesota.
The revision adds identifying details that tell readers the year this event took place, the modes of transportation, and the region where these immigrants settled.
Here are more examples, with the general words underlined and possible revisions, using more specifics and concrete language:
- She watched the dolphins for a few hours. [She watched the dolphins for three hours.]
- We moved along a path through the trees. [We followed a twisting path through the pines.]
- In college, he was a fine student. [In college, he attended classes, took careful notes, studied the assigned materials, and completed his papers on time.]
- It was a nice day to be outdoors. [September sunshine tempered by cool breezes made this an ideal hiking day.]
- How would you revise the following?
- They watched a beautiful sunrise. [“Beautiful” is a common vague word. Ask yourself: What makes a sight beautiful?]
- The noise affected people in the park. [Who/What’s making the noise? How does it sound—screeching, grating, blaring, pounding? How do people in the park react?]
- People of various nationalities attended the meeting. [Which nationalities? How did they look and dress, if their appearance indicated their nationalities? What languages could be heard (sense of sound)?]
Improving Our Nonfiction Writing Skills
As with all genres, we can improve our skills by studying excellent nonfiction writing, building strong vocabularies, and becoming keen observers.
Below, authors Kubas and Howland show the value of really seeing a place by comparing a descriptive passage by John Dos Passos to a general sentence.
General: “Some gulls were flying over the dock as the ferry came in.”
Specific: Three gulls wheel above the broken boxes, orange rinds, spoiled cabbage heads that heave between the splintered plank walls, the green waves spume under the round bow as the ferry, skidding on the tide, crashes, gulps the broken water, slides, settles slowly into the slip.
(Note: Though this excerpt comes from a novel, Manhattan Transfer, the description of the real-life setting also suits creative nonfiction writing.)
In an article for The Writer called “Specifics in Nonfiction Writing,” Celia Wakefield notes the importance of being a keen observer and considering what readers would want to know. She advises “. . . ask yourself specific questions, imagining what your readers might ask and making sure to include the answers in your article.” When crafting her travel articles, Wakefield would write her first draft as it came to mind, without concerns about “special effects.” Then she’d check her draft for basics—the who, where, what, when, and why of her subject. To flesh out those facts, she focused on individuals, the background, and the atmosphere, bringing in the five senses–sight, sound, smell, feel, and taste. She gives this example:
First draft: “Native vendors walk along the beach offering souvenirs to tourists.”
Second draft: “Indian girls in red skirts and bright shawls offer shell necklaces and baskets to sunbathers lolling on the beach.”
Draft #3 included still more specifics as Wakefield showed “a tiny girl, her black braids tied with red yarn” offering “a pineapple almost as big as she is” and “her grandmother, barefoot in the hot sand…swinging a basket with tiny bottles of sour-smelling homemade coconut oil—’good for your sunburn, Senorita.’ ”
The contrast between Wakefield’s first draft and the vivid word pictures in her final draft is clear—and impressive.
Check Your Verbs.
“A precise word etches a sharper picture on the reader’s brain and eliminates the possibility of misunderstanding,” says Gary Provost in his article “The Seven Beacons of Excellent Writing,” in Writer’s Digest. That certainly applies to verbs. While writing and revising, choose strong, vivid verbs, not generic ones.
To start, watch for forms “to be” (is, are, was, were), has/have, do, and get when other verbs can show a more specific action.
General: He was outside the café.
Specific: He stood outside the café.
General: The office manager did several things on her list.
Specific: The office manager ordered printing supplies, paid utility bills, and hired a caterer for the holiday party.
General: They got tired and thirsty after soccer practice.
Specific: They grabbed their water bottles and sprawled on the grass after soccer practice.
General: He went toward the podium.
Specific: He marched toward the podium. (or: trudged, strode, sauntered, pranced—whichever fits best)
A Caveat
Too much colorful language can overwhelm readers and prompt editors to comment on our “purple prose,” so watch for overly ornate writing, including numerous describing words, similes, or metaphors.
In Writing and Selling a Nonfiction Book, the noted journalist and editor Max Gunther warns writers not to think colorful writing means “loading your writing with great, gaudy festoons of adjectives, adverbs, -ing words, and other qualifiers (‘the huge, black, ponderous locomotive ground slowly and protestingly to a screeching, clanking, spark-spitting halt…’).” Instead, advises Gunther, aim for “flashes of color without slowing the momentum of your language. The color should seem to spring from within the language.”
Reach Your Readers
Mastering the use of vivid, specific language in the right “doses” can make writing more satisfying as well as more effective. This is our goal—to write with clarity and precision, so the words on the page capture our meaning and our vision. The tools are available. Use them to write articles that readers will find absorbing, meaningful, and maybe even impossible to put down.
Related Posts
